I actually made this for one person, but I am such a magnificent giver that I figure FUCK IT all you idiots deserve a copy. Here in Los Angeles it is a fortifiable summertime and I am milking it for everything it is worth, regardless if the nights are still cool. After five to fifty-five drinks it's all the same anyways. So feel free to give my mix a listen and memo me regarding how badly it sucks.

Speaking of sucking, I went out the other night and it was like a fucking post modern episode of the Twilight Zone. I am not even kidding. Everytime I thought OH, IT CANNOT GET ANY WEIRDER. It just got so much weirder. First of all, we end up at this bar where I witnessed the drunkest human being ever. And he comes up to my sister and I and he tries to tell me that his friend across the bar has a lot of money and I should talk to him. While he is saying this some other people across the bar are pointing and making gestures like OH HE IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW! So of course I scream IN 10 MINUTES HE WILL NEVER COME BACK OVER HERE AGAIN. GET READY!

So Douchey MCDouchebag turns to my sister and starts asking her this exact question and maybe you can help to decode it because it was like talking to the genetic illegitimate mutation of Paula Abdul and The Riddler. "So, how would be feel--you boyfriend--if there was a jam band and you had to reckon?" I mean, we think it was a question, but we'll never know for sure. He asked that like 37-times and we were still confused because Jam Bands are tricky like that, but we eventually deduced that he thought she was a porn star or something.

So Gia goes to the bathroom and I sit there with him. He puts his arm around me but then starts to rub the chick next to me and finally I turn to him and am like, WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT. And then he tried to walk away but fell over and demanded another drink. I admire him for his intent to continue drinking, but he was eventually kicked out of the bar and shortly thereafter we left. As we were walking out this Australian weirdo starts talking to my sister and asks us for a ride around the corner and because I like to take chances I agree to give him one. As he is getting out of the car you can see him panic and he is like I HAVE HALF A JOINT UPSTAIRS IF YOU GUYS WANT SOME. Uh, I guess I'll pass since you just said your place used to be a crack house and is generally sketchy. Thanks though.

This is about the time things went fucking bonkers. We wanted to go to this shishi diner, but they closed early and I needed coffee and a short moment of contemplation before I had to drive. Mostly because I don't like DUIs, but partially because I wanted to talk. Our two options are Denny's and Norm's. If you're not from L.A. you don't quite get the trashy majestic that's Norm's, but I have been kicked out of there for starting a fight and demanding that Norm show up and stick his dick in me, so that option was out. Off to Denny's we go.

As we're parking my sister is like MAN, I SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN HIGH WITH THAT CREEPY DUDE. When we get out of the car these two dudes are like HEY LADIES, WANNA GET HIGH. I felt like I was in an episode of South Park with Towlie. At any rate, I didn't even smoke and we went into the restaurant. This is how I know for sure I wasn't going out of my mind. We get seated in the epicenter of crazy4.0 and the trouble begins immediately. Those guys move over to a table filled with outrageous drunks and one girl leans over to talk to another and headbuts her in a way that causes blood to gush out of the second girls face. Had it been during a prize fight it would have had to be stopped because that bitch was a bleeder.

I start bragging to my sister that she missed the best part and begin going through the menu, APPLE PIE--I GUESS I'LL NEVER EAT THIS AGAIN. MOONS OVER MYHAMMY IN MY ASSHOLE. And other various comments like this. As I am saying them, the creepy gypsy child in the next booth stares and me and says the same thing that I am saying right after I say it and I am like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. What I don't know till later is that her mother, sitting back-to-back with my sister turns and says ARGENTINA for no fucking reason. Then they get up and leave.

Directly across from us is a homeless man my sister begins calling Mr. Miyagi and a woman that is probably homeless, but in her thrift store suit eating a burger and mostly staring into space. As we get our food I decide to say DENNY'S IS FILLED WITH INSANE POSSIBILITIES. I GUESS WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN. Immediately after I said that I wanted to take the words back. The busisness smart homeless lady turns to me and tells me my hair is very cute and asks me if I know the place next to the Hotel Carmel. I've been to the Hotel Carmel, and it is alright, but I don't know of what place she's talking about, but I bet it is a hostel. I tell her to JUST STAY AT THE CARMEL, IT IS PRETTY ALRIGHT. Knowing she is going to ask me if she can crash at my joint next. Before she can keep speaking Mr. Miyagi passes out, slamming his face on the table.

The gears shift more as Business Chic Betty tries to keep up conversation as two very drunk women walk into Denny's and say things like GET MY STEAK RIGHT--I SAID MEDIUM RARE. Yea, medium-rare, cause they give a shit cause this is DENNY'S. Ugh, so said drunk chicks start talking to us and one leans over and asks if she can have Gia's toast and we are like SURE. Then she takes a bite and gives it back to Gia. Around this point is when Gia is like WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I GET INDICTED FOR MURDER BY REASON OF INSANITY.