Friday, March 14, 2008

One of the most terrible things that can happen is when you go on a date with some dude that you are not even interested in, but you figure why not?  Then he is like I AM GOING TO SHOW YOU OFF TO ALL MY FRIENDS.  And this is fine too because once you decide to go MIA he will have to explain that you are an evil fucking bitch that never returns his calls.  It becomes better than fine once he is like THIS IS MY FRIEND BLAHBLAH and you look at that dude and you are like WHOA, I WOULD LIKE TO BONE YOUR FRIEND BLAHBLAH AND I WOULD LIKE TO BONE HIM TONIGHT.  Then suddenly you stop acting annoyed and you are like LET'S HAVE A PARTY HERE WITH YOUR FRIENDS.  Or even worse you decide to invite them all to the bar with you where you spend all your time putting the full-court-press on the super cute friend that is nerdy and blonde and then you're like HEY, I WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING ON THE COMPUTER.  DO YOU HAVE ONE?  And you're doing this while the idiot you came with is at the other end of the bar with his other friends and they're all looking at you like you are the whore-bitch of the century and you have to wait and see if BLAHBLAH is an even more terrible friend than you are a date.  Since he is a man, he almost always will be and then you go back to his place where you are like OH, CAN WE HAVE ANOTHER DRINK and while he is in the kitchen you follow him all coyly and then you start making out and he fucks you on his kitchen floor.  When it's over you are like THANKS MAN.  And then you get up and go home like a respectable slut should.  Nine times out of ten the dude you were on the date with originally will call you the next day and be like WHAT HAPPENED and you can be like OH, I WASNT FEELING WELL SO I WENT HOME.  And his friend will not argue with that story cause he knows if you come around again he is getting laid.  Man, I love men.

6 comments:

Butchie said...

Why did you do that to me!?!?!?!

Elizabeth Chelsea said...

no effing way

Obesio said...

This happened to me a few times, and the chick's head was pressed all close to the cat food bowl, which I keep by the oven in the kitchen. And, of course, the cat comes in and starts meowing around her head because she thinks that I am going to feed her again, even though I gave my cat dinner at around 6 or 7 pm, even before I went out for the night. So I have to hold my body weight up with one arm (not easy for a fatso like myself), while I try to swat away the cat with my free arm.

Melissa said...

Men are so easy sometimes. Mostly, my days of wild manipulation are over, but sometimes the feeling creeps up on me. I have to fight the urge to destroy.

Melissa said...

Men are so easy sometimes. Mostly, my days of wild manipulation are over, but sometimes the feeling creeps up on me. I have to fight the urge to destroy.

Raymi Lauren said...

where was this blog when i was single!