Feel free to redirect yourself. I am now at  Sabrina See that's probably the only place you'll be able to find me from now on.  Awesome.

I haven't uploaded photos in the last week, but things have been sort of back-and-forth for me. I guess I'll settle back down and focus pretty hard on my writing. I rode out my restlessness and I think I might just be able to finally get back into the groove of things. I am not exactly one to bother with apologies or whatnot, but the content here has seriously been lacking. I almost want to be like, WHAT THE FUCK AM I SUPPOSED TO DO? But then again, this is my stupid blog so I guess I should figure it out.

On the flip side, this whole Chinese Democracy business with Dr. Pepper promising a free drink to everyone if the album comes out this year.  Well I guess I plan to top that.  If Chinese Democracy comes out this year I will post nude photos all over this blog.  That being said, the chances of that megalomaniac actually deciding his post Guns 'n Roses album is finally finished has about the same chances as me cutting off my tits, cooking and then eating them.  So clearly, Chinese Democracy will be released right at the tail end of 2008 and I can eat shit one more time in my fucking life.  Awesome.

I had some really good ideas a second ago, but in my manic panic to post my latest mixtape they all went away to thoughtfully-ever-after land. I thought a lot about everything that didn't matter at all tonight and I thought about all of that so hard that I am still awake and the sun is rising and I want to be angry at myself for just thinking hard instead of sleeping deadly. How come I never get the good and gone sleep unless I've been playing in traffic after a drinking binge? I guess it's just one of those things I'll come to accept like never fucking your editor and that I've been the other woman longer than I care to admit. At least I'm good at it.

God, lately it's like all my good material gets used up in other places. I almost want to feel bad, but I don't. I guess you guys could just start visiting Mad Atoms on the daily to probably read shit I would have written here or you could continue to read this drivel. Cause lets face it, you idiots are not paying my bills so I am not even sure why I write here anymore. Awesomely, I pen more useless shit here than I do for all my writing jobs combined and that just might be due to the fact that I am less scared of fucking shit up here when I am feeling lazy and out of awesome. God, I am not sure if I have ever been scared of anything in my life, but it's fucked up that I am out of pills and not drinking so I feel like I am out of creativity. I guess I should probably just get it to-fucking-gether and write all that shit they want and blow this shit off.

Ugh, what I really need is a web developer. I registered SabrinaSee but I haven't the time to do all the work associated with starting up a website. I guess what I am saying is that if you have the skills to help me out, get a hold of me because I need to start that shit up. The initial jackoff that offered to help me turned into a flake--so if you are going to flake out on me also I swear to fucking god I will chop your fucking head off.

----------------
Now playing: Foreigner - Cold As Ice
via FoxyTunes

I am truly unsure if I hate this foxytunes shit or not. Too bad it started popping up and the idea of taking the time to manage or get rid of it is probably more than I can bare to handle. Miracle number 1. It's period time. This time next week I will be even thinner than I am now. Dear God, thanks for thinner. Miracle number 2. I don't really have another miracle actually. I mean, I didn't exactly have one to start with, but I really wanted to talk about having a miracle. I guess never having been in jail is a pretty big miracle when you're me. Go miracles.

There's a sweet new wine bar in Malibu and I noticed it tonight while I was going to get groceries. I guess I will become the local harpie over there because nothing says fun like alcohol and Malibu. Tonight at the meeting at Fox Atomic I told the story where my friend Joey roofied my friend Trent and instead of him pissing all over himself like he did the time before he just got really amorous and spent the entire night caressing her breasts. It was really fucking beautiful/wonderful. I am sure you are impressed.

Tomorrow, I am going to have to wake up early and spend the entire day writing. I don't mean the sort of writing I usually do which is accompanied by watching everything tivo'd from the night before, or talking online for 8 hours to people I am not even sure I want to know, but real actual writing. One of my editors got ahold of my friend to ask if I was the sort of person to decide never to turn something in, even though I said I would. Too bad I am exactly that sort of person. Ugh, I want my money so I guess I am going to do some writing and finally get fucking paid. The end.
----------------
Now playing: Vampire Weekend - Walcott
via FoxyTunes

I super hate doing work and I guess I am going to get fired from my stupid writing jobs. Since I've been home I've primarily been busy with seeing how long I can avoid eating meat for, along with copious amounts of running. Somehow I can do this all while being online nonstop. Also, I think I might just be going insane from PMS anyways because my tits feel like fucking mountainous anvils on my chest. And because I have written off five different friends since Sunday. I might just be sorry about it, but I bet I won't even miss any of them.

I spent my entire trip home watching an Intervention marathon on A&E. This is probably my favorite show ever. I really enjoy when I can be like OH MAN, THAT PERSON HAS A FUCKING PROBLEM. Then I have to try and think about a time I may have done something similar to what they're doing on screen. One of the episodes I watched will probably be my favorite of all time. This chick had something bad like rickets and needed to treat the pills. Now, I broke my neck and I understand pain management, but as many pain killers as she was taking was beyond me. In the morning she'd have 2 oxycotin to get her through the day, along with 12 muscle relaxers, and 12 lortabs A DAY. I mean, I have had the occasional pill party, but it is nice to know that I am not an addict because I am pretty sure that combination of that many pills might just fucking kill me. So I guess the point of this was to highlight the fact that I am awesome and can only periodically (rarely) be found passed out on the floor while in the middle of walking into the kitchen, when they were finding this chick on the floor about three times a week. Awesome.

----------------
Now playing: Madonna - Don't Cry for Me Argentina
via FoxyTunes

I am back in L.A., which is where I am quickly realizing I belong. It turns out when 90% of your day is spent judging the fact that an entire city might be obese or all the women in another city dress like frumpy, ugly dykes--you know where you belong. Anyways, now that I am home I am going to have to go to Vegas next week. I love how I say things like, "I have to go to Vegas," when I mean, I get to go to Vegas cause I am fucking awesome.

I guess this is where I am supposed to write stuff that is clever and wonderful, but instead I am just going to say that I am home and being boring. Also, whenever I try to make my hair curly now that it is so short that I end up looking like Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men because it sort of curls under and into a bit of a dutch boy hellish nightmare. The rest of the time it looks like I put my head in the freezer when it was wet.

In other news, after searching for nearly a month I found the Cocaine Photos off of Flickr. Hilariously, I thought these were gone forever. Now I just need to talk with the good people at MadAtoms/Fox Atomic and see if I can write around them although I don't know who they belong to and cannot get permission. Worst case scenario I get my brother and his beautiful porno hair to participate in our very own Cocaine shoot. All I'll need is a poster of a Delorean and a Members Only jacket. I guess I will just go running right now and when I get home I'll read, finish some writing and sit in the bath, but not in that order.

----------------
Now playing: The Lively Ones - Surf Rider
via FoxyTunes

Right now I am wearing boots and a bathrobe. I feel like this outfit sums up everything I have been doing and all the things I am avoiding doing--like getting dressed appropriately and being sober.

At any rate, I am still in boston. This was taken after a 7 day drinking binge and a nude photo shoot. Thank god I will never have a real adult job, with real adult consequences.

Anyways, I love. Me. You, but really me. Never forget that.

----------------
Now playing: Daniel Rossen - Too Little Too Late [Jo Jo Cover]
via FoxyTunes

I guess this is going to be fast. Erin is in the shower and we got fucked up out of our minds last night. Please remember how terrible it is to go out of your mind from drugs and alcohol. If you don't remember I will tell you about it sometime, probably because it is my memory and you will need me to tell you. Idiots. So now we're acting hungover and probably we will venture outside in a bit and act like fucking zombies.

And heres a memo, if you are at a bar runned by the lovechild of Herman Munster and he asks if you want to see a video, you should probably say no because it means you are going to see a video of some youngish girl getting spanked by him and then running away. It will haunt you because you'll decide that she did it for some free drinks and money, and would probably make a great episode on Law & Order: SVU. Creepy.

Ok, I guess I am not even sorry about being drunk and bitchy last night. Please enjoy the music while you wait. I have to go and prep for Chicago tomorrow.

So you fucking idiots failed me. All I asked last week was for you to check out my TMZ piece and comment on it and I got one fucking comment. Good going idiots. I hope you all choke on a dead moose's last shit.

Ugh, I should be in bed, but I got caught up in yet another Law & Order: Criminal Intent Marathon and now it is like 3am and I have yet to sleep. Hilariously, this is my big issue. Tomorrow, my big issue will be preparing to get my taxes done. I guess by that I just need to psyche myself into showing up so that the government does not rape me later this year when they realize that I decided to party instead of doing my taxes. How fucking tragic.


Anyways, this is my new haircut. I actually super like it, but have enjoyed running into people and asking them if it looks like Jodi Foster. Too bad no part of me looks like Jodi Foster or I would be subjected to a lifetime of ugly dykedom. Uh, you know who I think is hot today, Chris Evans, I would fuck the shit out of him while high on crack if that was my only option, and let's face it, I'm from L.A. I don't do crack cause that shit is for poor people. None of this really has a point, but I just wanted to throw that out there since the internet is just creepy enough where I can be like WHOA, I FUCKED CHRIS EVANS WHILE HIGH ON CRACK BECAUSE I SAID I WOULD AND NOW I AM THAT MUCH MORE AWESOME AND THAT MUCH MORE TRASHY. I will never function as a grownup so I guess I better die before I turn 30.


I actually really like my hair lighter, which is hilarious cause I have been fighting the whole lighter hair thing for like 10 years. Since my sister Gia has her hair red right now I have to avoid that color so my options were black, some other shade of brown or the dreaded blondeish. I got daring and am super happy about it. Also, if I style my hair in a certain way I look like I am in the Flock of Seagulls and it is fucking awesome. So I am going to see Erin on Wednesday and that is pretty swank. The following Monday I'll be in Boston and maybe from there I'll go to NYC, but nothing is set in stone for the whole NYC thing. Anyways, my flight from Chicago to Boston got all fucked over cause ATA decided to go under and I basically got raped and have to call my credit card company in the morning. Lame. I should probably write about something hilarious, but I really want to just go to bed.

I know I need to fucking blog more often, but I also probably need to be tested for HIV more often and I am not even going to do that because that might fucking blow my chances for becoming a serial AIDS rapist. Oh well. Anyways, I have been keeping more of my "gooder" ideas and pitching them to MadAtoms the new site I've been writing for. So sue me, you idiots get the left overs. Today they published the piece I wrote about stupid TMZ being the beginning of the end of fun. Probably you should go over there and comment the fucking shit out of my post to remind them that I already have a fucking audience and should only have a bigger audience of readers and stalkers. Oh, and I am pretty sure I got a Lillith Fair dyke haircut, which I consequently decided to make blonde yesterday. Too bad I love it. I'll post pictures when I get a chance. Otherwise, deal with the fact that all you get are my leftovers. Now you're on the same level as the dudes I date, impressive.

I would like to take credit for this pie, but I didn't make it. I did however, talk my brother through making it because I am awesome like that. I had him melt white chocolate and then put it on the graham cracker crust. After that hardened he layered a banana flavored pudding with fresh, sliced bananas. When he finished it I was sort of impressed by how beautiful it ended up. He even made a design in the top of it.
Sometimes, the best part of my week is when I see my gay dog running outside while my dad is tinkering with something. And then my dad bends over and my gay dog takes this as the time to rape my father. I guess you have never lived until you've seen your dog sneak attack your own father. I recommend it if you've never tried it.
Oh man, I am in the middle of writing these terrible finance articles and I know I should now even entertain the idea of blogging because I have less than 4 hours to finish them up, but I am a fucking slacker so sue me. But man, I am listening to Three Dog Night and I desperately want to be so loaded that I can see the musical notes in front of my face. Too bad I am going to avoid getting absolutely wasted until sometime after 9 am PST.
Fuck it, I have to go and finish this and so the entire post is going to be boring lame shit and some pictures of wonderful sunshine in my yard. If you have a problem with this--eat a dick.

I actually made this for one person, but I am such a magnificent giver that I figure FUCK IT all you idiots deserve a copy. Here in Los Angeles it is a fortifiable summertime and I am milking it for everything it is worth, regardless if the nights are still cool. After five to fifty-five drinks it's all the same anyways. So feel free to give my mix a listen and memo me regarding how badly it sucks.

Speaking of sucking, I went out the other night and it was like a fucking post modern episode of the Twilight Zone. I am not even kidding. Everytime I thought OH, IT CANNOT GET ANY WEIRDER. It just got so much weirder. First of all, we end up at this bar where I witnessed the drunkest human being ever. And he comes up to my sister and I and he tries to tell me that his friend across the bar has a lot of money and I should talk to him. While he is saying this some other people across the bar are pointing and making gestures like OH HE IS YOUR PROBLEM NOW! So of course I scream IN 10 MINUTES HE WILL NEVER COME BACK OVER HERE AGAIN. GET READY!

So Douchey MCDouchebag turns to my sister and starts asking her this exact question and maybe you can help to decode it because it was like talking to the genetic illegitimate mutation of Paula Abdul and The Riddler. "So, how would be feel--you boyfriend--if there was a jam band and you had to reckon?" I mean, we think it was a question, but we'll never know for sure. He asked that like 37-times and we were still confused because Jam Bands are tricky like that, but we eventually deduced that he thought she was a porn star or something.

So Gia goes to the bathroom and I sit there with him. He puts his arm around me but then starts to rub the chick next to me and finally I turn to him and am like, WILL YOU JUST FUCK OFF I AM SICK AND TIRED OF YOUR SHIT. And then he tried to walk away but fell over and demanded another drink. I admire him for his intent to continue drinking, but he was eventually kicked out of the bar and shortly thereafter we left. As we were walking out this Australian weirdo starts talking to my sister and asks us for a ride around the corner and because I like to take chances I agree to give him one. As he is getting out of the car you can see him panic and he is like I HAVE HALF A JOINT UPSTAIRS IF YOU GUYS WANT SOME. Uh, I guess I'll pass since you just said your place used to be a crack house and is generally sketchy. Thanks though.

This is about the time things went fucking bonkers. We wanted to go to this shishi diner, but they closed early and I needed coffee and a short moment of contemplation before I had to drive. Mostly because I don't like DUIs, but partially because I wanted to talk. Our two options are Denny's and Norm's. If you're not from L.A. you don't quite get the trashy majestic that's Norm's, but I have been kicked out of there for starting a fight and demanding that Norm show up and stick his dick in me, so that option was out. Off to Denny's we go.

As we're parking my sister is like MAN, I SHOULD HAVE JUST GOTTEN HIGH WITH THAT CREEPY DUDE. When we get out of the car these two dudes are like HEY LADIES, WANNA GET HIGH. I felt like I was in an episode of South Park with Towlie. At any rate, I didn't even smoke and we went into the restaurant. This is how I know for sure I wasn't going out of my mind. We get seated in the epicenter of crazy4.0 and the trouble begins immediately. Those guys move over to a table filled with outrageous drunks and one girl leans over to talk to another and headbuts her in a way that causes blood to gush out of the second girls face. Had it been during a prize fight it would have had to be stopped because that bitch was a bleeder.

I start bragging to my sister that she missed the best part and begin going through the menu, APPLE PIE--I GUESS I'LL NEVER EAT THIS AGAIN. MOONS OVER MYHAMMY IN MY ASSHOLE. And other various comments like this. As I am saying them, the creepy gypsy child in the next booth stares and me and says the same thing that I am saying right after I say it and I am like WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON. What I don't know till later is that her mother, sitting back-to-back with my sister turns and says ARGENTINA for no fucking reason. Then they get up and leave.

Directly across from us is a homeless man my sister begins calling Mr. Miyagi and a woman that is probably homeless, but in her thrift store suit eating a burger and mostly staring into space. As we get our food I decide to say DENNY'S IS FILLED WITH INSANE POSSIBILITIES. I GUESS WE SHOULD COME HERE MORE OFTEN. Immediately after I said that I wanted to take the words back. The busisness smart homeless lady turns to me and tells me my hair is very cute and asks me if I know the place next to the Hotel Carmel. I've been to the Hotel Carmel, and it is alright, but I don't know of what place she's talking about, but I bet it is a hostel. I tell her to JUST STAY AT THE CARMEL, IT IS PRETTY ALRIGHT. Knowing she is going to ask me if she can crash at my joint next. Before she can keep speaking Mr. Miyagi passes out, slamming his face on the table.

The gears shift more as Business Chic Betty tries to keep up conversation as two very drunk women walk into Denny's and say things like GET MY STEAK RIGHT--I SAID MEDIUM RARE. Yea, medium-rare, cause they give a shit cause this is DENNY'S. Ugh, so said drunk chicks start talking to us and one leans over and asks if she can have Gia's toast and we are like SURE. Then she takes a bite and gives it back to Gia. Around this point is when Gia is like WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE BEFORE I GET INDICTED FOR MURDER BY REASON OF INSANITY.

Holy shit, I just had a drunk flashback, and I better hurry up and write it before I forget or fall asleep. Last week, when I went wild at Erika's birthday, there were these douchebags that had a band. I would say their terrible band name here, but then one day they would search it and be like WE ARE NOT A TERRIBLE BAND! And maybe they are not totally terrible, but I just listened to 30 seconds of their most downloaded song on iTunes and I think it is pretty bad and people have hired me to review music so I guess that makes me a fucking expert on the matter. Your 33 Black Angeles sucks dick. I guess the part where I do not say their name is over and I can move on with the story.


I guess I got stuck talking to one of the band members. I probably talked to each and everyone of them by the end of the night including their super creepy manager. At some point, I was sick of hearing they played SXSW and was like MAN, I JUST WANT TO CLOSE MY FUCKING TAB. Then one of them sort of poked at me like I was a caged animal in the petting zoo and I turned around and was like, "You guys should play at the Mutiny." For everyone other than Mandy and Erin this will not be hilarious. The Mutiny is this shitty bar down the street from Erin that is owned by this guy named Ed that is like everyone's dad that happens to be a serial rapist who looks like Herman Munster. I wish I was making this up. Anyways, Ed will let any band play. I mean, I have heard some of the worst music on earth there and no one will be like GOD, THIS SHIT IS TERRIBLE because bad music is just something you sign up for. I could send my little sister in there to ask to perform and by the end of the night she'd have a drink in her hand while she spoke-sang some lyrics she made up along the way and she is 8-years-old.


So when I first tell this guy he should play The Mutiny he is like YEA, DO YOU KNOW SOMEONE THERE I CAN GET IN TOUCH WITH? And I have to be an asshole and I say, YEA, ASK FOR ED. IT'S IN CHICAGO AND I AM PRETTY SURE HE LETS ANY IDIOT WITH A VOICE AND SOME INSTRUMENTS PLAY ON HIS CREEPY MAKESHIFT STAGE. Sad face ensues and I go home. I guess this is an entire waste of time for most of you morons that will never visit The Mutiny.


I on the other hand will be there in a weeks time pimping free drinks and trying to have sex in their phone booth because I am trashy like that. Your consolation prize can be the lame pictures of my sister and friend Katie making faces while I photograph myself without a bra on in the mirror to see if I am fat or FAT. P.S. I love the way my tattoos creep out of my pants. That's class ladies and gents.

These picture posts are fucking with my general blogging mojo because I feel like I spend more time talking about what's happening in the photos than I do coming up with a cohesive ditty that has some sort of point, which ties into a bigger idea or something. Anyways, today was Easter and I woke up with a hangover that I knew was not going to end anytime soon. At 11pm I was still contemplating suicide. Amazing.
Easter in Los Angeles is great because it means going to the beach and looking around at all the other good looking people and scowling at the ugly/fat/people clearly not from L.A. and hoping they understand that they have to leave before they fuck up the entire scope of things. I wanted to share this moment with people but my sister spent today with her boyfriend because he's leaving to go back to Argentina tomorrow afternoon (Monday). I wonder if she is going crazy or if she'll wait to go insane till after he is gone.
Once I got home I got to play Easter with my two favorite people, my dog-son and my little sister and they wanted to play and I wanted to drink arsenic if it promised to make me stop feeling like I was going to puke. At some point I fell asleep on the couch for a couple of hours and never got to the work I was supposed to do this weekend because I am a piece of trash loser.

The beach is looking so fucking fab these days that I've decided to divide my time between coffee houses in Hollywood and Malibu. I really need to figure out some sort of stupid schedule and stick with it because I waste so much time when I am writing at home. I have been sitting here for like 4 hours and watching Law & Order and Charmed. And before you judge me on the Charmed thing, Julian McMahon plays some sort of smarmy demon and he has a beard in the episode I am watching right now and he is hot as fucking hell. Thank god he quit this stupid show to become Christian Troy and give me something to get off to for-fucking-ever.

I am probably going to buy a Smart Car. I mean, what the fuck do I need with a stupid giant volvo? Don't get me wrong, I love that car, but I think the new convertible Smart Car is so fucking cute and gas efficient and I want it. I will have that car within the next six months. Then I will take the top down and drive around the beach and listen to the GoGos and mock Belinda Carslie by doing blow and fucking a lot of dudes. Gosh, somethings never change.
Here is probably the worst looking photo of me I can find. Parts of the makeup from the night before is still on my face and the rest of me is a complete and total hot mess. I need to stop furrowing my brow before I need to start getting botox like next month. I woke up at the Viceroy hotel and I am pretty sure I might remember parts of getting there and room service because I woke up and called them for a pot of coffee and a pitcher of orange juice. Then I went back to bed and woke up again at like noon. Then I walked for like three miles in the sun while mostly thinking about how terrible I looked.

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Oh my pretty little pets.  I've neglected you dearly.  To be honest these past couple of weeks have been trying to say the least and then my dog broke his dick yesterday and I about went bonkerinos because I realized the gravity of the situation right as I was getting ready to leave the house to go and check out how fucking drunk my sister was.  This lead to me being the best looking person at the emergency pet clinic at 10p.m. on St. Patrick's Day.  But yea, my dog broke his dick and I would love to explain the situation, but I am trying to shop the story around and I'd rather make money off of it rather than amuse you guys for three more minutes because sadly, you do not pay my bills.  Not that it exactly pays the bills either, but I guess it's a stepping stone in the right direction. 

Before my dog broke his dick I was drunk a bunch of times and I pee'd on the hood of a strangers car.  I am not sure that I even had a problem with said stranger or their car other than somehow I got it into my head to piss on a red car and theirs was the red car in the vicinity.  I also pointed out to a man that he had an ugly, pointy chin and to his face said YOU WERE BORN WITH THAT CHIN, YOU KNOW WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE SO YOU CANNOT BE MAD ABOUT IT.  I also did a lot of other things that are typical of what I am like when I decide to be a monster while drinking.  

My best friend is also in town right now.  It is weird because she is almost a fully functioning adult, but still does things like an 11-year-old.  I know she will never read this, but sometimes it is shocking to me that she will be one of the top 10% wealthiest people no matter what she does because of who she is, but she is like a train wreck.  Well, one that has derailed and somehow managed to get back on the tracks and start chugging a long.  She had to talk to one of my sister's who will probably read this and I am alright by that.  This sister went absolutely insane and ran off with her 27-year-old creepshow boyfriend for like a week then she lost her job and had to come crawling back home because a week vacation is all she needed anyways.  She's 18 and it is the sort of thing you come to expect from someone that needs to be medicated and reacts first and thinks later.  IF YOU ARE READING THIS PLEASE COME TO ME FOR HELP BECAUSE I TOO HAVE GONE ABSOLUTELY INSANE AND AM WILLING TO GET YOU THE HELP YOU NEED.  Other than that, there isn't much more I can say and she refuses to talk to me about it because I treat her like a case worker I guess.  Besides all these things, things have been awesome and I have been having a great time trying to pick up my running even though my knee is sort of crappy.