I once started out writing a short piece about how I would kick Morrissey's ass if I ran into him at a bar. I started it about 7 months ago. It remains unfinished. Sometimes, it is nice to just sit at home and be disgusting and shove as much food into your body as possible so that you begin to feel like your skin is going to burst and rip at the seams you never even knew you had. I guess this is my blue period. Really, what I need is a red period so we can stealthily avoid the abortion period. And not because I am intimidated by abortions, but because I do not want to have to dig into my secret savings and get the money to make it happen. It turns out I am very not secretly a fucking Jew. I know this to be true, not because I am cheap (I'm not), but because I am heavily into crucifixions & stonings. On that note, I guess I will need to be stoned and crucified for being a temptress and an adulteress. Amen.

I am moving to New York. It seems like my best possible option. Last month I had dirty angry sex with a man that went to jail for shop lifting. This man had more pills than a pharmacy and would become emotionally distraught when I'd ask him not to call me his girlfriend. We were lying in bed and he told me he really liked me and maybe he could love me. While he was doing this I wondered to myself if I jumped up and ran into the mirror, attempting to shatter it, if he would stop talking or continue trying to romanticize the situation as reality rotted away like my sliced up corpse would begin to do in the future. ANYWAYS that sentence obtained a lot of words and horrible punctuation. I just wanted to mention that. Long story short, after that conversation he turned to me with stupid hearts growing in his eyes and said, "So what do you have to say?" I did what any sane woman that does not want to get tied down to a fucking emotionally imbalanced alcoholic would do--I simply retorted with the fact that he had a beautiful dick. He is the value of his best parts. I hated everything about him, and secretly wanted to beat him in the face with a golf club whenever we were in public. ESPECIALLY IF WE WERE DRINKING. Oh my God, he was the world's most obnoxious drunk. EVER. That man made me consider annexing the bottle from my life FOR GOOD. Thank God I opted to annex him instead. I guess the best way to end this is to say that he made me wait over a week to have sex because he was afraid I would run away. Man, next time a guy does that to me I am going to put him in a sleeper hold and dump his ass in the desert to fucking die while he's passed out.

I am a wonderful Siren. I fuck like a rockstar. I am mean and leave in the middle of the night. I hurt the feelings of men. I leave them feeling sad, lonely & inadequate. I never love them back, but they always, always want to cheat on their new girlfriends when I come calling. These are all things I have been told by ex's in the last 2 days. I guess they'll never learn their lesson. Thank God for ADD.