I guess if you were ever planning on getting me a gift and had no idea what to get me A CAMERA SOUNDS LIKE A PRETTY GOOD IDEA. The new camera I got myself in May came to an untimely end in June when I accidentally dumped a fucking bottle of water in purse when I was in a mega hurry to weigh myself because I am obsessed with my weight. Anyways, help a bitch out and purchase her a fucking swank camera.

I guess this is where I tell you about the time I had to visit the Los Angeles offices of the ACLU. My boss decided it would be a swell idea to send me on some sort of wild goose chase that included dropping off some package to the ACLU. In case you have never been to the Los Angeles division of the ACLU it is located about two steps from the skid row part of LA. Fucking fantastic. Anyways, it was around noontime, so it wasn't like I was going to get megaraped or anything. It was just a plethora of vomitous surroundings and junker cars. So I park and enter their offices through two glass doors. This is the one thing I can tell you about the ACLU. They obviously take no chances. Their waiting room is a tiny box that looks into the reception area. The reception area is closed off and you can see it via the top to bottom window of double paned glass. You know, the sort of glass that protects the pope mobile and that sort of thing. There is also one of those magic trays that they have at gas stations so the attendant doesn't have to open the door to get your money and consequently get shanked to death so you can rob the fucking gas station. At any rate, the receptionist presses a button and greets me. I tell her I have a package for "so-&-so" and she smiles and gets up. I walk over to the magic tray and she says that it's ok and she opens the fucking door. SHE OPENS THE DOOR. I mean, I realize I was wearing a dress so short and tight that the only place I could hide a fucking bomb would have been my vagina, but that lady took it into her hands to decide that I was safe because I was a sweet looking white lady with giant tits. LADY THIS IS THE SAME MISTAKE THAT MEN MAKE WITH ME ALL THE TIME!!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOING???? And then I walked over and handed her the package and left. On my way to the car I realized that the ACLU participated in an underhanded game of racial profiling and I started it. So guys, the moral of this story is that even the most highly regarded groups defending equality and shit is still your run of the mill dumb fuck when it comes to a sweet looking white lady with nice tits.

The end.