So I finished that list about shitty movies I love and you can find it here. You all can go there and sing my praises because I am a fucking genius. Oh yea.

I am still bloated from being so drunk it was necessary to eat my body weight in shitty diner food. Gross. I also bought an entire fucking cheesecake that I took home and will have to donate to charity because I will never fucking touch it.

I hate Fridays and openly boycott them. I guess that's why I decided to agree to go on a date tonight. Now before you get your panties in a bunch over the fact that I make "plans" relax, I will probably get so drunk that the bartender will have to call my sister to take me home so I have to wake up next to a stranger. Amazing.

Anyways, I don't even want to talk about that, or the fact that I somehow got fucking wasted by 6pm, or the fact that I found a beauty salon open next to the bar that serves booze AND is open till fucking midnight. OH MY GOD, YOU HAVE TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME. Regardless, I ended up with a manicure, pedicure & bikini wax at 10pm. Living in Los Angeles is the best thing ever. And by the way, any woman that is like EEW A BIKINI WAX IS FUCKING STUPID. P.S. it doesn't even hurt and it hurts less than negative when you have a bottle of wine and then have someone rip off your vagina. Seriously kids, I should put digg on this blog only because I need phrases like "rip off your vagina" running rampantly throughout the internets. HA!

By the way, I don't do the total bare cunt thing because I am a grown woman and I should have SOME hair down there. Grown women get fucked by men because men know how to rape and rape is super hot in that sort of HI, I HAVE EMOTIONAL ISSUES WAY. Unlike molestation which is for priests and the creepy dude that invites children into his car and looks like the dude that plays Champ in The Legend of Ron Burgandy. Duh.

Oh god, why isn't abortion mandatory--seriously, some of the dumbest fucking guys I know are deciding to have children. Listen, if at some point in the last year you have been drunk with me you do not deserve to have children for at least a decade. PLEASE MAKE YOUR STUPID TRAMP GIRLFRIEND GET HER VAGINA SCRAPED OUT BECAUSE YOU HAVING A CHILD MAKES ABOUT AS MUCH SENSE AS FUCKING TOASTER STRUDELS. FUCKING FAT AMERICANS. Regardless, I advocate abortion and think everyone should get one--sort of like a fancy hat, it should be a rite of passage into adulthood or something. If you can manage an abortion, you too should be able to drive a car and eventually have your own child. Oh and if you have kids and you want to bitch about the fact that you have them and you are a cool person, YOU PROBABLY NEVER GOT DRUNK WITH ME TO BEGIN WITH--CHILDREN ARE THE END OF COOL. Maybe one day I will want to stay with one man and not because that man gave me herpes, which makes for the forced play, but because I actually love him. Surprising, I know, that I could have thoughts like that. And maybe after that I will decide to jump the boredom bandwagon and have a bunch of children that I can raise to be wild monsters that will paint their bodies and generally live like they're from Borneo or something. Regardless, I know two things about having kids and one of them is if you want one you need a garden, the other is if you plan to be a good parent you put your children first--but I am still busy finding places to get my vajayjay waxed at 11pm because I am my most important person. The end.