On nights like this, where it rains hard and the silence is pounded by the slap-popping of water hitting the house on all sides, my body aches all over. At first I try to lie in bed, writhing around trying to find the one position that will relieve some of the pain associated with my fragile bones, my fall apart figure. These are the same nights I wish I smoked so I could lie in bed with a drink and smoke contemplating the fact that my entire skeleton could belong to a 62-year-old woman and hate it, even if I am sure it is only doing the best that it can.

Eventually, I give up and are willing to rub every assortment of ointment all over my body. Every space of skin and muscle must be taken up and managed with a fiery burn to soothe and silence a pain that can otherwise cause you to vomit. When that doesn't work I sort of tremble down the stairs in a daze while making my way to the pile of pills that I'd prefer only to have to use recreationally, and I take as many as possible. Then I sort of rock myself and pray until it phases itself out.