I had some really good ideas a second ago, but in my manic panic to post my latest mixtape they all went away to thoughtfully-ever-after land. I thought a lot about everything that didn't matter at all tonight and I thought about all of that so hard that I am still awake and the sun is rising and I want to be angry at myself for just thinking hard instead of sleeping deadly. How come I never get the good and gone sleep unless I've been playing in traffic after a drinking binge? I guess it's just one of those things I'll come to accept like never fucking your editor and that I've been the other woman longer than I care to admit. At least I'm good at it.

God, lately it's like all my good material gets used up in other places. I almost want to feel bad, but I don't. I guess you guys could just start visiting Mad Atoms on the daily to probably read shit I would have written here or you could continue to read this drivel. Cause lets face it, you idiots are not paying my bills so I am not even sure why I write here anymore. Awesomely, I pen more useless shit here than I do for all my writing jobs combined and that just might be due to the fact that I am less scared of fucking shit up here when I am feeling lazy and out of awesome. God, I am not sure if I have ever been scared of anything in my life, but it's fucked up that I am out of pills and not drinking so I feel like I am out of creativity. I guess I should probably just get it to-fucking-gether and write all that shit they want and blow this shit off.

Ugh, what I really need is a web developer. I registered SabrinaSee but I haven't the time to do all the work associated with starting up a website. I guess what I am saying is that if you have the skills to help me out, get a hold of me because I need to start that shit up. The initial jackoff that offered to help me turned into a flake--so if you are going to flake out on me also I swear to fucking god I will chop your fucking head off.

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Now playing: Foreigner - Cold As Ice
via FoxyTunes

I am truly unsure if I hate this foxytunes shit or not. Too bad it started popping up and the idea of taking the time to manage or get rid of it is probably more than I can bare to handle. Miracle number 1. It's period time. This time next week I will be even thinner than I am now. Dear God, thanks for thinner. Miracle number 2. I don't really have another miracle actually. I mean, I didn't exactly have one to start with, but I really wanted to talk about having a miracle. I guess never having been in jail is a pretty big miracle when you're me. Go miracles.

There's a sweet new wine bar in Malibu and I noticed it tonight while I was going to get groceries. I guess I will become the local harpie over there because nothing says fun like alcohol and Malibu. Tonight at the meeting at Fox Atomic I told the story where my friend Joey roofied my friend Trent and instead of him pissing all over himself like he did the time before he just got really amorous and spent the entire night caressing her breasts. It was really fucking beautiful/wonderful. I am sure you are impressed.

Tomorrow, I am going to have to wake up early and spend the entire day writing. I don't mean the sort of writing I usually do which is accompanied by watching everything tivo'd from the night before, or talking online for 8 hours to people I am not even sure I want to know, but real actual writing. One of my editors got ahold of my friend to ask if I was the sort of person to decide never to turn something in, even though I said I would. Too bad I am exactly that sort of person. Ugh, I want my money so I guess I am going to do some writing and finally get fucking paid. The end.
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Now playing: Vampire Weekend - Walcott
via FoxyTunes

I super hate doing work and I guess I am going to get fired from my stupid writing jobs. Since I've been home I've primarily been busy with seeing how long I can avoid eating meat for, along with copious amounts of running. Somehow I can do this all while being online nonstop. Also, I think I might just be going insane from PMS anyways because my tits feel like fucking mountainous anvils on my chest. And because I have written off five different friends since Sunday. I might just be sorry about it, but I bet I won't even miss any of them.

I spent my entire trip home watching an Intervention marathon on A&E. This is probably my favorite show ever. I really enjoy when I can be like OH MAN, THAT PERSON HAS A FUCKING PROBLEM. Then I have to try and think about a time I may have done something similar to what they're doing on screen. One of the episodes I watched will probably be my favorite of all time. This chick had something bad like rickets and needed to treat the pills. Now, I broke my neck and I understand pain management, but as many pain killers as she was taking was beyond me. In the morning she'd have 2 oxycotin to get her through the day, along with 12 muscle relaxers, and 12 lortabs A DAY. I mean, I have had the occasional pill party, but it is nice to know that I am not an addict because I am pretty sure that combination of that many pills might just fucking kill me. So I guess the point of this was to highlight the fact that I am awesome and can only periodically (rarely) be found passed out on the floor while in the middle of walking into the kitchen, when they were finding this chick on the floor about three times a week. Awesome.

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Now playing: Madonna - Don't Cry for Me Argentina
via FoxyTunes

I am back in L.A., which is where I am quickly realizing I belong. It turns out when 90% of your day is spent judging the fact that an entire city might be obese or all the women in another city dress like frumpy, ugly dykes--you know where you belong. Anyways, now that I am home I am going to have to go to Vegas next week. I love how I say things like, "I have to go to Vegas," when I mean, I get to go to Vegas cause I am fucking awesome.

I guess this is where I am supposed to write stuff that is clever and wonderful, but instead I am just going to say that I am home and being boring. Also, whenever I try to make my hair curly now that it is so short that I end up looking like Javier Bardem in No Country For Old Men because it sort of curls under and into a bit of a dutch boy hellish nightmare. The rest of the time it looks like I put my head in the freezer when it was wet.

In other news, after searching for nearly a month I found the Cocaine Photos off of Flickr. Hilariously, I thought these were gone forever. Now I just need to talk with the good people at MadAtoms/Fox Atomic and see if I can write around them although I don't know who they belong to and cannot get permission. Worst case scenario I get my brother and his beautiful porno hair to participate in our very own Cocaine shoot. All I'll need is a poster of a Delorean and a Members Only jacket. I guess I will just go running right now and when I get home I'll read, finish some writing and sit in the bath, but not in that order.

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Now playing: The Lively Ones - Surf Rider
via FoxyTunes

Right now I am wearing boots and a bathrobe. I feel like this outfit sums up everything I have been doing and all the things I am avoiding doing--like getting dressed appropriately and being sober.

At any rate, I am still in boston. This was taken after a 7 day drinking binge and a nude photo shoot. Thank god I will never have a real adult job, with real adult consequences.

Anyways, I love. Me. You, but really me. Never forget that.

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Now playing: Daniel Rossen - Too Little Too Late [Jo Jo Cover]
via FoxyTunes

I guess this is going to be fast. Erin is in the shower and we got fucked up out of our minds last night. Please remember how terrible it is to go out of your mind from drugs and alcohol. If you don't remember I will tell you about it sometime, probably because it is my memory and you will need me to tell you. Idiots. So now we're acting hungover and probably we will venture outside in a bit and act like fucking zombies.

And heres a memo, if you are at a bar runned by the lovechild of Herman Munster and he asks if you want to see a video, you should probably say no because it means you are going to see a video of some youngish girl getting spanked by him and then running away. It will haunt you because you'll decide that she did it for some free drinks and money, and would probably make a great episode on Law & Order: SVU. Creepy.

Ok, I guess I am not even sorry about being drunk and bitchy last night. Please enjoy the music while you wait. I have to go and prep for Chicago tomorrow.

So you fucking idiots failed me. All I asked last week was for you to check out my TMZ piece and comment on it and I got one fucking comment. Good going idiots. I hope you all choke on a dead moose's last shit.

Ugh, I should be in bed, but I got caught up in yet another Law & Order: Criminal Intent Marathon and now it is like 3am and I have yet to sleep. Hilariously, this is my big issue. Tomorrow, my big issue will be preparing to get my taxes done. I guess by that I just need to psyche myself into showing up so that the government does not rape me later this year when they realize that I decided to party instead of doing my taxes. How fucking tragic.


Anyways, this is my new haircut. I actually super like it, but have enjoyed running into people and asking them if it looks like Jodi Foster. Too bad no part of me looks like Jodi Foster or I would be subjected to a lifetime of ugly dykedom. Uh, you know who I think is hot today, Chris Evans, I would fuck the shit out of him while high on crack if that was my only option, and let's face it, I'm from L.A. I don't do crack cause that shit is for poor people. None of this really has a point, but I just wanted to throw that out there since the internet is just creepy enough where I can be like WHOA, I FUCKED CHRIS EVANS WHILE HIGH ON CRACK BECAUSE I SAID I WOULD AND NOW I AM THAT MUCH MORE AWESOME AND THAT MUCH MORE TRASHY. I will never function as a grownup so I guess I better die before I turn 30.


I actually really like my hair lighter, which is hilarious cause I have been fighting the whole lighter hair thing for like 10 years. Since my sister Gia has her hair red right now I have to avoid that color so my options were black, some other shade of brown or the dreaded blondeish. I got daring and am super happy about it. Also, if I style my hair in a certain way I look like I am in the Flock of Seagulls and it is fucking awesome. So I am going to see Erin on Wednesday and that is pretty swank. The following Monday I'll be in Boston and maybe from there I'll go to NYC, but nothing is set in stone for the whole NYC thing. Anyways, my flight from Chicago to Boston got all fucked over cause ATA decided to go under and I basically got raped and have to call my credit card company in the morning. Lame. I should probably write about something hilarious, but I really want to just go to bed.

I know I need to fucking blog more often, but I also probably need to be tested for HIV more often and I am not even going to do that because that might fucking blow my chances for becoming a serial AIDS rapist. Oh well. Anyways, I have been keeping more of my "gooder" ideas and pitching them to MadAtoms the new site I've been writing for. So sue me, you idiots get the left overs. Today they published the piece I wrote about stupid TMZ being the beginning of the end of fun. Probably you should go over there and comment the fucking shit out of my post to remind them that I already have a fucking audience and should only have a bigger audience of readers and stalkers. Oh, and I am pretty sure I got a Lillith Fair dyke haircut, which I consequently decided to make blonde yesterday. Too bad I love it. I'll post pictures when I get a chance. Otherwise, deal with the fact that all you get are my leftovers. Now you're on the same level as the dudes I date, impressive.

I would like to take credit for this pie, but I didn't make it. I did however, talk my brother through making it because I am awesome like that. I had him melt white chocolate and then put it on the graham cracker crust. After that hardened he layered a banana flavored pudding with fresh, sliced bananas. When he finished it I was sort of impressed by how beautiful it ended up. He even made a design in the top of it.
Sometimes, the best part of my week is when I see my gay dog running outside while my dad is tinkering with something. And then my dad bends over and my gay dog takes this as the time to rape my father. I guess you have never lived until you've seen your dog sneak attack your own father. I recommend it if you've never tried it.
Oh man, I am in the middle of writing these terrible finance articles and I know I should now even entertain the idea of blogging because I have less than 4 hours to finish them up, but I am a fucking slacker so sue me. But man, I am listening to Three Dog Night and I desperately want to be so loaded that I can see the musical notes in front of my face. Too bad I am going to avoid getting absolutely wasted until sometime after 9 am PST.
Fuck it, I have to go and finish this and so the entire post is going to be boring lame shit and some pictures of wonderful sunshine in my yard. If you have a problem with this--eat a dick.